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Most failed metal albums
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Conservationist
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Joined: 25 Feb 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:42 am    Post subject: Most failed metal albums Reply with quote



Of all genres of music, metal is unique because the line between "acceptable" and "total failure" is very narrow. Making metal is easy, but making good metal... difficult. Periodically, metal bands either sell out or have personal problems, and they create metal failures. Here's a list of ten of the worst metal FAILs of all time.

The most epic METAL FAILs of all time
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mithrandir



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

in first for Cold Lake!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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Down there...



Joined: 10 Feb 2009
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Location: Rule Britannia

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like Wolverine Blues. Taking it for what it is I mean. It's a good record. The rest..yeah, mostly shite.
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dalecooper



Joined: 26 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

1. ANUS is fail in web page form.
2. "Divine Intervention" is a better album than "Christ Illusion." It's the only post-"South of Heaven" album I find worth listening to, actually.
3. I didn't like "Traced in Air" either but I feel like I heard a different album than this guy did.
4. The Pestilence review is a perfect capsule of what sucks about this article - lots of negativity, almost no substance. In fact, I'd like to retool that section to describe my feelings for the list itself: "This list is so bad I can't even figure out why I kept reading it. It's like they sat down in front of their PC and pulled a bunch of words out of their asses, then tried to make it extra snarky just so the dumb internet nerds could like it. The result is both boring and annoying at once, which is usually hard to do but ANUS packed this so full of fail it was effortless for them."
5. That Suffocation bit is way off the mark.
6. Disliking "Wolverine Blues" is way too easy and way too dumb. Entombed failed pretty hard AFTER this album, but this was the one great case for death 'n roll being a viable genre.
7. The Black Album? How about "St. Anger"? The Black Album is only like the fourth worst Metallica album, for fuck's sake. If you actively dislike it because of the Sellout (tm), I've got news for you: it was going to happen sooner or later. Just enjoy the good tracks (there are several) and thank the devil that at least you're not listening to the album with the red angry fist of suck on the cover.

In closing, if Cracked did a metal list, it would read exactly like this and be full of just as many misguided opinions and obvious choices. Boo.
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Carlzilla



Joined: 07 Aug 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was going to post Cold Lake, but I was beat to the punch. A friend of mine turned me on to a Nuclear Death album where Lori Bravo is still using the name, but she's singing like Joan Baez or something...it's truly fucking awful.
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Tireheb



Joined: 18 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Octagon and Requiem by Bathory. At least Quorthon got his sanity back and finished Blood On Ice after those shitty retro-thrash albums.
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nzmbe



Joined: 27 Apr 2009
Posts: 356
Location: Germany

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like IX Equilibrium. Of course it's nothing compared to "Anthems" and "Nightside Eclipse" but in my opinion it is a very acceptable progression of the band, I've seen far worse.
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Motorbreath86



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 158
Location: So Paulo, Brazil

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fuck'em all, I like Metallica's Metallica. Very Happy
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Carlzilla



Joined: 07 Aug 2009
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Location: New Mexico

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dalecooper wrote:
1. ANUS is fail in web page form.
2. "Divine Intervention" is a better album than "Christ Illusion." It's the only post-"South of Heaven" album I find worth listening to, actually.
3. I didn't like "Traced in Air" either but I feel like I heard a different album than this guy did.
4. The Pestilence review is a perfect capsule of what sucks about this article - lots of negativity, almost no substance. In fact, I'd like to retool that section to describe my feelings for the list itself: "This list is so bad I can't even figure out why I kept reading it. It's like they sat down in front of their PC and pulled a bunch of words out of their asses, then tried to make it extra snarky just so the dumb internet nerds could like it. The result is both boring and annoying at once, which is usually hard to do but ANUS packed this so full of fail it was effortless for them."
5. That Suffocation bit is way off the mark.
6. Disliking "Wolverine Blues" is way too easy and way too dumb. Entombed failed pretty hard AFTER this album, but this was the one great case for death 'n roll being a viable genre.
7. The Black Album? How about "St. Anger"? The Black Album is only like the fourth worst Metallica album, for fuck's sake. If you actively dislike it because of the Sellout (tm), I've got news for you: it was going to happen sooner or later. Just enjoy the good tracks (there are several) and thank the devil that at least you're not listening to the album with the red angry fist of suck on the cover.

In closing, if Cracked did a metal list, it would read exactly like this and be full of just as many misguided opinions and obvious choices. Boo.


About 6. I liked To Ride, Shoot Straight, and Speak The Truth. It was catchy as hell, and it really is a good listen. I also like some of the newer stuff (Morningstar, Inferno, When In Sodom...)
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mithrandir



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 900

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carlzilla wrote:
I was going to post Cold Lake, but I was beat to the punch. A friend of mine turned me on to a Nuclear Death album where Lori Bravo is still using the name, but she's singing like Joan Baez or something...it's truly fucking awful.


was it Harmony Drinks of Me? did Crawfish show that to you? I actually like the previous The Planet Cachexial, quite a bit
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Professor Black



Joined: 25 Mar 2008
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Location: Evil Nation USA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

God Cries is awesome.
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Carlzilla



Joined: 07 Aug 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mithrandir wrote:
Carlzilla wrote:
I was going to post Cold Lake, but I was beat to the punch. A friend of mine turned me on to a Nuclear Death album where Lori Bravo is still using the name, but she's singing like Joan Baez or something...it's truly fucking awful.


was it Harmony Drinks of Me? did Crawfish show that to you? I actually like the previous The Planet Cachexial, quite a bit


Yeah, it was Crawfish who showed it to me, I don't remember what the album was called, I'm trying to purge that section of my brain now, it's so fucking awful. I haven't heard the one before that.

I don't know if you remember Tomic Char, the local acoustic grind core band, he was simultaneously awesome and awful. I wish she could have done something like that if she wanted to go acoustic...
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Bestial Devastator



Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 924
Location: The forgotten valleys of Hades

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Metal Enterprises releases Embarassed
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dalecooper



Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Posts: 2952
Location: Athens, GA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carlzilla wrote:

About 6. I liked To Ride, Shoot Straight, and Speak The Truth. It was catchy as hell, and it really is a good listen. I also like some of the newer stuff (Morningstar, Inferno, When In Sodom...)


Yeah, I should have been more specific. They have some decent stuff post-"Wolverine Blues." But also some pretty bad albums, especially "Same Difference." All I meant was if you were going to single out an Entombed album for sucking, it shouldn't be that one.
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Carlzilla



Joined: 07 Aug 2009
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Location: New Mexico

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dalecooper wrote:
Carlzilla wrote:

About 6. I liked To Ride, Shoot Straight, and Speak The Truth. It was catchy as hell, and it really is a good listen. I also like some of the newer stuff (Morningstar, Inferno, When In Sodom...)


Yeah, I should have been more specific. They have some decent stuff post-"Wolverine Blues." But also some pretty bad albums, especially "Same Difference." All I meant was if you were going to single out an Entombed album for sucking, it shouldn't be that one.


Ah, gotcha. I agree then.
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