P R O D U C T I O N S
 
 FAQ 
 Search 
 Memberlist 
 Usergroups 
 Register 
 Profile 
 Log in to check your private messages 
 Log in 

Hilarious reviews thread...
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Nuclear War Now! Productions Forum Index -> Main
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
adrian5118



Joined: 30 Dec 2008
Posts: 2673

PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 5:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hAHAHHAhahAHHAQUHQAHAHuAuhagUOHAHHAA

"...Hussein will talk..."
_________________
Rare shirts of DEATHKEY, AMORPHIS, DEMONCY, SSP, etc.:
http://www.nwnprod.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=840646#840646
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Kojiri



Joined: 26 Jan 2009
Posts: 4864
Location: I'm here to mainstream your kvlt

PostPosted: Fri Sep 11, 2009 2:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I adore The Key but this RYM review is incredible.



Nocturnus – The Porno

Trey Azagthoth’s pasty, heoin-addicted frame lies on all fours, rump arched upward, asshole puckering, stretching itself out in anticipation of the earnest, three-inch manhood that is about to fill its waiting cavity.

The aforementioned manhood belongs to Mike Davis, who apparently is so fond of himself that he has used his sci-fi expertise to genetically clone himself over 300 times, each clone standing robotically, in a perfect, single-file line, waiting to have its turn with the sweaty-palmed Azagthoth.

Curiously, Mike Davis (the real Mike Davis) is not in this line himself, rather, he is off to the side of the scene, cock in one hand, lubrication in the other, towel laid out across his stomach, waiting for the show to begin.

Davis’ heart rate begins to rise, as one by one, the clones stiffly bend over Azagthoth, set their tools to “penetrate,” and lurch forward at a rapid-fire pace.

The clones enter and leave Azagthoth quickly, most finishing in less than five seconds. None of them seem particularly interested in exciting Azagthoth’s needs, only those of the absent Mike Davis, who continues to lie on his back, beating off furiously, as his interchangeable lineup of clones penetrate and ejaculate into Azagthoth’s flooded anal cavity.

At the exact moment the cavity becomes full, as the runny, clear liquid begins to seep out the filthy crack, Davis yells out a secret code, DROID POWERS, ACTIVATE!

At which point the droids all gather ‘round Azagthoth’s ham hocks, spread them as wide as a mountain canyon, then watch, wide-eyed, as a running geyser of semen rushes down and out the crack.

The camera begins to pan away, as Azagthoth, now on-foot, weeps, standing in cum; praying to die, standing in cum.

Scene two begins with a naked Mike Browning on all fours, kneeling before what appears to be Lucifer’s throne, braced comfortably in a more traditional doggystyle position.

But Browning won’t remain comfortable for long, as from the left of the screen, enters a towering David Vincent, bondage gear in tow, cock piercing out into view like a battle axe, glistening in front of the camera’s flashbulb.

Vincent wastes no time inserting himself into Browning’s rectal cavity, and proceeds to DOMINATE.

Vincent is loud and powerful, almost completely masking the few whimpers that manage to escape from Browning’s throat as he spits out dirty talk like “lake of fire! lake! of! fire!” and “before Dave! I ruled this land! after Dave! I will rule once again!”

Vincent begins to get frustrated with the lack of work being done by Browning, as he refuses to bounce or grind the Unholy One's cock against his sphincter, so hoping to add some excitement to the proceedings, Vincent calls in his true partner in crime, Pete Sandoval, who is, despite his sleeveless shirt and bullet belt, going completely commando.

Sandoval’s rippling veins slide easily into Browning’s mouth, as his weak cries turn into little more than a muffle as they are swallowed up in the skin of Commando’s flavorful, sun-burned cock.

But after only a few minutes of the pig roasting, Sandoval and Vincent both seem to notice that Browning isn’t particularly good at either task, much less trying to handle both at the same time, so Vincent, in his booming, alpha-male voice, decides to kill the session, yelling at Browning, declaring him DEAD, YOUR TIME IS DEAD, so that he and Sandoval can resume the 69 session they had already begun backstage.

This would have made a logical ending point for the film, and yet, it decides it needs to follow up a bizarre masturbation act and a half-assed pig stuffing with a sub-par lesbian fingerbang.

Enter Louisiana Panzer, who unlike her last name, is anything but a tank, waltzing in with her roast beef curtains flopping around as she leaps onto the flower-print bed to investigate the pussy of her scene’s stiff, robotic partner, a woman listed only under the name “Casio.”

Casio lies motionless against the head board as Panzer slides her fingers in and out of her partner’s vagina, trying to create some sort of spark, something that might lead to an exciting reaction, to finally get this porno going, and yet, there is nothing.

Even when Panzer decides to stick two in the pink and one in the stink, Casio responds as if she is feeling nothing.

Like most scenes on this tape, the lesbian encounter fails to excite at all, yet it persists for a good fifteen to twenty minutes.

Supposedly, there was one more scene included in the performance, involving man-to-man intercourse between Sean McNenney and Jeff Estes, but the tracking was so bad that I couldn’t make out a damn thing that either of them were doing to each either.

Bottom line:

If you’re looking for a solid, mid-1990s Florida porn flick, I suggest getting the ones that involve porn-legends Sandoval, Azagthoth, and Vincent on their own, as the sci-fi fetish, lesbian love scene, and failed attempt at a proper pig stuffing make it hard to find anything on this tape that’s worth getting off to.

_________________
NuclearGoatVomit wrote:
"Burn it and then piss!

Trade/Buy/Sell!: addo_of_nex, Black_Fire, bunyip, cannibal_riot, cursed blood, dawid, Deathammer, etdeath, wvrm
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Nuclear War Now! Productions Forum Index -> Main All times are GMT - 8 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3
Page 3 of 3

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group